Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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