she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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