My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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