I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
