I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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