so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
