Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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