we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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