If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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