He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize