How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
