i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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