The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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