The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
