Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
