My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
why is half of my head shaved?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
