she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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