Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
