im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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