we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just tell him i said nine months
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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