i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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