So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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