He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
