When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
is this the sara with the beer cane?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
