I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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