Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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