thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he fucked my hip out of place.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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