I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I just sharted jello shots
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
