I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize