I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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