Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
