Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
