you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
