It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
