Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
