that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
