I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
