Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
