I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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