I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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