she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
