oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
