It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
