No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
