he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize