I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I did not marry a roomba.
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