her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
