Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
