Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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