You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
