??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
