I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
