the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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