I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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